A LITTLE ABOUT A LOT

I had a conversation on Sunday with a blogger and I told this person about my blog being a personal blog (where I basically share my struggles, self developing topics, my thoughts and my process of learning, loving and following Christ) and this person said he isn’t really comfortable putting out his personal stuffs (which is very ok) but why am I sharing this story? I wrote this particular blog story some weeks back and felt reluctant to put it out. Now, reflecting on the conversation I had with that blogger just makes me feel very bad, makes me feel like a confused person (it’s probably not that deep but that’s how I genuinely feel). It’s safe to say I’m sorry and would definitely do better. 

~~Here’s to the actual thing~~

I have written a couple of things but at the same time I’ve contemplated to post them on my blog. For one, I felt it wasn’t important to share and I use to think that makes you weak. For two, I’m running from emotions and hard conversations. I just really want to be alone and I aso haven’t felt God in a while (been in my wilderness season). 

Truth is…feeling vulnerable, especially when it comes to our emotions, is always a delicate subject to bring up. A lot of us fear being judged and that is very normal, I feel that way too. Since I got back home from school, I’ve had the urge to ghost everyone and to just be in place where I don’t feel anything. Everyone tells everyone that they are ok and put on a big smile but is everyone really ok????. I felt at my lowest, feeling broken mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. So far, I’ve not shown a lot of my struggle on here, which seems like I only show nice sides(not true) but I’m writing this to let y’all know that I’m human too and by no means perfect. I get tired, I feel weak, I cry, I procrastinate, I mess up, I lack confidence, I have assignments that I’m running away from because I feel I’m not adequate enough for them.

I’ve had several low blows just like everyone and every low blows hits differently. In 2020, I felt like I was fighting a battle that I had lost before I even started. Nigerians have discriminated mental health against age and so for the longest time I couldn’t really speak to a mature person. MENTAL HEALTH IS REAL AND SHOULDN’T BE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST AGE.

Although I have God and a support system, but it’s still okay to cry and break down, I mean, the very ugly cry breakdown but in all, I encourage y’all to readjust your crowns and keep pushing. We’ve got this my darlings😊See y’all at the very top💜